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TFB Short Clips

Originally posted on April 24, 2018 @ 9:08 am

24 Short Snappy Funny Quotes

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - bullsh*t

I was under the impression that bullsh*t came from bulls.
But after hearing you run your mouth
I realized I was mistaken.

Been misled.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - Selfish

I am selfish, private, and easily bored.
Will this be a problem?
Neil Gaiman

At least they’re honest.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - being older

When I was a kid,
I wanted to be older…
This sh*t is not what I expected.

Can I return this?

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - sarcasm

I’m not always sarcastic.
Sometimes I am sleeping.

See? Versatile.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - sexy

I don’t try to be sexy,
sexy tries to be me.

And how.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - diet

Follows diet.
Diet doesn’t follow back.
Unfollows diet.

I tried, we just couldn’t make it work.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - smiling

Scientists claim smiling can lengthen your life.
Unless that smile belongs to a shark.

If then, swim as fast you can.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - Monday

Maybe if we all sit extremely still
Monday won’t be able to see us.

You can’t sit with us.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - argument

Never get into an argument with someone
who types faster than you.

They will keep up!

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - sugar and carbs

I’ve cut out sugar and carbs from my diet.
Which means I’ve also cut out happiness.

Celery tastes like sadness.

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - patience

My patience dies faster than my iPhone battery.

And it’s gone!

Short Snappy Funny Quotes - just one bite

Oh, fine, I’ll have just one bite.
Narrator: She was, in fact going to have more than one bite.
She was about to eat the whole gd thing.

Only she knew.

Short Snappy Funny Quote - oxygen

No honey,
You’re not the reason I breathe.
Ever heard about oxygen?


Short Snappy Funny Quote - Morning people

I don’t like morning people or mornings or people.

Just a few things.

Short Snappy Funny Quote - don't care

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Homer Simpson


Short Snappy Quote - sarcastic

I’m not sarcastic.
I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

It’s okay.

Short Snappy Quotes - hell

This isn’t an office.
It’s Hell
with fluorescent lighting.

Good disguise though.

Short Snappy Quote - hardest job

The hardest job in the world is having to listen
to you complain about having the hardest job in the world.


Short Snappy Quote - Happily ever after

Happily ever after is so once upon a time.

Where’s my prince with a huge student loan payment?

Short Funny Quotes - next trick

For my next trick, I’ll break my own heart by
exaggerating my place in other people’s lives.


Short Snappy Quote - hairdo

Hairdresser: do you like it?
Me: yes thank you.
*goes home and cries*

Narrator: She did not like it.

Short Snappy Quote - science

Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
-Steven Wright


Short Funny Quotes - period

Period: Guess who’s back… Back again…
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep f*cking singing.

Do it your thing.

Snappy Funny Quotes - filter

My body is a filter:
Coffee goes in, sarcasm comes out.

Again, science.

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