25 Funny and Snappy Quotes to Adore and Share

Well aren’t we just 2 scoops of grumpy
in a bowl full of bitchy this morning.

When your mascara is $23
there’s no time for crying.

A clean room is a sign of a
broken computer.

I’m kinda glad that dinosaurs are extinct
because i’m pretty sure that i would try
to ride one after a few drinks.

I wish falling in love has traffic lights too,
so that i would know if i should go for it,
slow down, or just stop.

If i wanted, i could destroy everything.
but i’m a good girl.

I hope wherever my hair ties are
that they are happy.

Fear of becoming so awesome that
the human race can’t handle it and everyone dies.

Maybe if period pain burned calories
it’d be worth it.

Revenge is not in my plans.
you’ll f*ck yourself on your own.

I’m at that point in life where i consider
wearing my hair down as making an effort.

weekends are like rainbows.
they look great from a distance
but once you get up close to them,
they start to disappear.

It’s friday, the only decision to make is
bottle or glass.

Face your problems,
don’t facebook them.

I just cleaned everything from top to bottom,
so now i’m gonna need everyone to stop living here.

It’s funny how when i’m loud, people tell me to be quiet,
but when i’m quiet, people ask me what’s wrong with me.

I am proud to announce i am expecting a food baby.

May your weekend be full of inappropriate behavior and fun.

Things people say:
it’s friday!
things self-employed people say:
it’s friday?

I wish my wallet was as thick as my thighs.