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27 Hilarious Snarky Quotes

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

If you think women are the weaker sex,
try pulling the blankets back to your side.

I dare you.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

I’m holding a cup of coffee,
so yeah, i’m pretty busy.

Got a lot of plans…

Snarky Quotes

A day without coffee is like…
just kidding. I have no idea.

Do you?

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

Current relationship status:
made dinner for two.
ate both.

Solid night.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

I like to finish other people’s sentences
because my version is better.

And now they know.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

I’ve not lost my mind.
half of it just wandered off
and the other half went looking for it.

Tune in for the return.

Hilarious Funny Quotes

Roll me in fairydust
and call me a unicorn.

I’m magical.

Hilarious Funny Quote

There should be one line at every store
for people who have their sh*t together.

I wouldn’t be in that line except for the times I need cat food, but still.

Snarky Quotes Hilarious

Let’s be clear:
if you spend the time baking a cake/cookies/brownies,
you can eat as many as you want and the calories don’t count.
you made those calories.
you’re the boss of them.

Show them who’s boss and take them down!

Great Snarky Quotes

My therapist told me that a great way
to get rid of my anger is to write letters
to the people i hate and then burn them.
i did that,
and now i don’t know what to do with the letters.

Something got lost in translation.

Funny Snarky Quotes

I’m not anti-social.
i have cable, internet, and a dog.
what else do i need?

A cat.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

United states of anxiety, am i right?

50 states of worry.

Hilariously Snarky Quotes

I know things
and you’re wrong.

Well then.

Hilarious Funny Snarky Quotes

The best feeling ever is love.
when you know, that you’ll have pizza for a dinner.

Mmm. 

Hilariously Snarky Quotes

I want someone to look at me the way i look at a travel brochure.

Adoration.

Snarky Quotes

Happy fri…
wait it’s thursday.
son of a …
carry on.

This can’t be.

Snarky Quotes

I got drunk last night and decided to do my own taxes
and now i’m getting back 4 million dollars this year!

Sounds very plausible, yes.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

We should start referring to “age” as “levels”,
so when you’re lvl 80, it sounds more bada**
than just being an old person.

Level up!

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

Nobody says “wooooow”
longer than a guy who’s been accused of something he did.

If it goes on for a 1 minute, he’s in trouble.

Snarky Quotes Funny

It’s funny how six servings of fruit & veggies
seems impossible, but two bags of chips &
three bags of candy in one sitting is no challenge.
why am i like this?

Those things are good.

Hilarous Quotes

My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.

Tiring too.

Snarky Quotes

I want to vacation so long i forget all my passwords.

I’ll be using password hints for months.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

I don’t need an inspirational quote.
i need coffee.

Accurate.

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

I always imagine that brushing my daughter’s hair
would be a sweet moment of bonding,
but instead it sounds like someone is performing
an exorcism.

What is that screeching?

Hilariously Snarky Quotes

90% of parenting is thinking about when you can lie down again.

Can I yet?

Hilarious Snarky Quotes

Do u ever get that sudden outburst of motivation
to go and make ur life better
then 5 mins ur like yeah that’s not happening.

But for that one shiny moment…

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