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32 Hilarious Life Quotes You’ll Love and Share

Life Quotes 1  Everything Happens For A Reason

Everything happens for a reason.
sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid
and make bad decisions.
bill murray

Well…probably.

Funny Life Quotes  Pouring Dinner

I can’t wait to pour dinner.

Easy as 1, 2, 3, sip!

Hilarious Life Quotes  Cauliflower

Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes,
rice, and any joy in your life.
you have no friends now,
there is only cauliflower.

Cauliflower is here.

Funny Life Quotes  Cooking

Why does cooking take like 6 hours
and eating takes like 3 seconds
and washing dishes like 7 days and 7 nights?

Why does it take forever?

Funny Life Quotes  Being Bad

Let’s do some
“we shouldn’t be doing this”
things.

Sounds like some fun life quotes material about to go down!

Life Quotes About Food  Kitchen

I hate when i go to the kitchen looking for food
and all i find are ingredients.

Like, how do these become food?

Hilarious Life Quotes  Kung Fu Fighting?

Surely not everybody
was kung fu fighting.

There had to be at least one person recording the action.

Funny Life Quotes  Laundry

I have nothing in common with people who
wash, dry, fold, and put their laundry away
all in one day.

What is their secret?

Hilarious Life Quotes  Lists

I like to make lists.
i also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter
and then guess what’s on the list once i’ve darkened the doors
to the realm of walmart.
it’s quote the game.

This is an example of life quotes which life hacks were made to solve…

Life Quotes Funny  Family

I hate how your family stops giving you money
on your birthday as you get older.
like i need it more now than i did when i was 7 susan,
i’m starving!

Life quotes to ponder over during the holidays…

Funny Life Quotes  Losing Weight

I’ve decided i’ll never get down to my original weight
and i’m okay with that.
after all, 6 lbs 3 oz is just not realistic.

Maybe just multiple it times a few numbers.

Life Quotes Funny  Childhood

Switching from pencil to pen
was the biggest deal in childhood.

Nostalgic life quotes about the simpler times…

Hilarious Life Quotes  Food

Oh… pilates?!
i thought you said pie & lattes…

Well since I’m already in the middle of this…

Funny Life Quotes  Social Posting

If you’re posting stuff to make someone mad,
please make sure that they care first.

Your efforts can’t be wasted.

Life Quotes  Tacos

Save the earth.
it’s the only planet with tacos.

Taco lovers don’t need any more reasons.

Life Quotes  Girl Talk

Girl, the difference between me & you
is that i don’t need to throw shade in order to shine.

Sparkle and shine, baby.

Funny Life Quotes  Sisters

What are sisters for if not to point out the things
the rest of the world is too polite to mention?
-claire cook

Ultimate sibling life quotes to treasure!

Life Quotes  Cooking

You’re a busy woman.
let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.

That’s its job.

Life Quotes  Personality

I’m not snarky.
i’m selectively polite.

There’s a difference.

Funny Life Quotes  Women Talk

The speed at which a woman says “i’m fine”
is directly proportional to the severity of the sh*t
storm that’s about to follow.

Life quotes fit to be a law of physics.

Funny Life Quote  Phone Etiquette

If you answer the phone with
“hello, you’re on the air! ”
most telemarketers will quickly hang up…

Life hack.

Funny Life Quotes  Character

It’s like i always say:
having a weird mom builds character.

Well, it does something.

Life Quotes 3  Touch

When i think about you, “i touch” myself
meaning i rub my temples because you give me a f*cking migraine.

My temples.

Funny Life Quotes  No Offence

No offence to me
but wtf am i doing?

Please, do you know?

Life Quotes  Canceling

I hate to cancel.
i know we made plans to get together tonight
but that was two hours ago.
i was younger then
and full of hope.

We had so many plans.

Funny Life Quotes  Decisions

Pretty good at bad decisions.

Yep.

Funny Life Quotes  Boredom

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
i asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.

Hmm…oh…wait.

Funny Life Quotes  Kids

You know what takes longer than a kid telling a story?
nothing.

Just settle in.

Funny Life Quotes  Cardio

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

It was quite a workout!

Funny Life Quotes

Kids’ toys should come with better warning labels,
like “loud as hell”,
and “no off switch”,
and “requires 217 batteries”.

Then we could choose accordingly.

Funny Life Quotes  Cooking

Just once i wish i could flip over a package of food and the serving size
would read, “however much you feel like eating, baby girl! ”

It’s all for you!

Funny Life Quotes  Dog Lovers

You know what i like about people?
their dogs.

They’re all good dogs.

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