Japanese Monkey Uses Glory Hole for Sex, Gets Pregnant
What is a Glory Hole?
A glory hole is a hole in a wall or partition that is used to allow anonymous sexual contact between two individuals.
COVID19 and Glory Holes
Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) is a contagious virus that is spread through contact with respiratory droplets from an infected person when they cough, sneeze, or talk. These droplets can land in the mouths or noses of people who are nearby or possibly be inhaled into their lungs. Touching surfaces or objects that have been contaminated with these droplets and then touching one’s own face, mouth, nose, or eyes can also spread the virus.
The best way to prevent catching COVID-19 is to practice social distancing, wear a face covering when in public, regularly wash your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds, and avoid touching your face, eyes, nose and mouth. It’s also important to clean and disinfect frequently-touched surfaces.
Getting vaccinated is another great way to reduce the risk of catching COVID-19.
In a pamphlet distributed by the Canadian CDC during the pandemic, using a glory hole was recommended as a way to engage in sex that minimizes your chances of catching Covid-19.
Where Can I Find a Glory Hole?
Glory holes are commonly found in public restrooms and sex clubs, and they offer an opportunity for two people to engage in sex without knowing each other.
Glory holes can also be found in zoos and research facilities, where they are used by scientists to facilitate research on primate mating behaviors. Monkeys, for example, have been observed using the glory hole to mate with one another while in captivity.
Monkey Virgin Birth? Not so Fast!
Meanwhile in a Japanese Zoo, as gibbon monkeys gathered to welcome their messiah as reports of a virgin birth spread amongst the primates, human scientists and zoo keepers were busy keeping control of all the monkeying around.
Fearing a “Planet of the Apes” style uprising from this singular “coming of the Japanese monkey messiah” event, scientists worked round the clock to find a more down to earth explanation for this divine Japanese monkey business.
After hours of painstaking search, alas, a 9 millimeter hole was found in a steel plate between the enclosures of a male gibbon japanese monkey and the primate “virgin” Mary. The scientists concluded that based on their findings such as the position and the height of this hole in the steel plate, the divine primate mystery was nothing more than another example of monkeys using tools.
When confronted by the scientists with this evidence, the male gibbon monkey puffed up his chest and flatly denied paternity. He flashed a wide grin as if to explain that what the scientists claim, is patently impossible as the hole is simply too small for him.
Like a typical deadbeat dad, the male monkey had to be coerced into taking a paternity test, before finally admitting he did succumb to pleasuring himself with the glory hole from time to time and one particular session was noticeably more pleasurable than the rest.
While scientists celebrated their victory, rumbles were heard from Christian groups around the world claiming that the scientists must have faked the paternity test results or “must have drilled the 9mm hole afterwards”.
One such protestor who wished to remain anonymous, explained that no one should ever question a virgin birth. “A Virgin birth is a miracle, and is a sacred event that cannot be explained away by science!”, she added.
The original story and image is from CNN.