Funny Thanksgiving quotes are the easiest way to get a laugh before the food is ready. Below are 20 classic quote cards, then 30 new sayings we wrote ourselves: short lines, quotes about the food and quotes about family. Use them in a card, as a caption, in the family group text or as a toast while the turkey rests.
20 Funny Thanksgiving Quote Cards
Pretty pricy.
That old standby.
Ouch.
That’s what it said to do!
Oh yeah…
Very.
There they go.
Eat and eat.
Figure it out.
All the things.
A wakeup call.
A bad choice.
So much.
We do.
Yes, even them.
Ohhh..
I have to get cranberry sauce and stuffing and…rolls…and…
A thing occurring across the country.
Or do what you want!
That kid.
Short Funny Thanksgiving Sayings
Short enough for a caption, a place card or a text.
- Thanksgiving: the only holiday where a nap counts as a family activity.
- I came for the turkey and stayed for the leftovers.
- Be thankful for what you have, and for the pie someone else brought.
- Thanksgiving is a marathon, and the pie is the finish line.
- Today’s forecast: a 100% chance of second helpings.
- Feeling grateful, stuffed and one plate away from a nap.
- Every turkey has its day. Unfortunately for the turkey, it’s today.
- Thankful for family, friends and the fourth slice nobody saw me take.
- The secret ingredient in Thanksgiving dinner is a host who hasn’t slept since Tuesday.
- Calories take Thanksgiving off, and so should you.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes About Food
For everyone who plans the whole day around the menu.
- Mashed potatoes are just a delivery system for gravy, and I’ve made my peace with that.
- There’s no such thing as too much stuffing. There’s only not enough Tupperware.
- Pie counts as a vegetable if it’s pumpkin. That’s just Thanksgiving science.
- My favorite Thanksgiving side dish is the second plate.
- Leftover turkey sandwiches are the real reason the holiday lasts four days.
- The green bean casserole shows up every year, whether anyone invited it or not.
- A “sliver” of pie in our house is a quarter of the pie, and nobody questions it.
- Butter isn’t a side dish, but on Thanksgiving it gets treated like one.
- Dessert is the course where everyone suddenly finds room.
- I don’t count calories on Thanksgiving. I count pies.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes About Family
Because the people around the table are half the fun.
- Thanksgiving is when the whole family gathers to argue about where to park.
- Nothing says family like twelve people giving the cook advice at the same time.
- Our family doesn’t have assigned seats, just very strong preferences.
- Every family has a pie expert. Ours has never baked a pie.
- You can’t choose your family, but you can choose the seat farthest from the thermostat debate.
- The kids’ table has better conversation, and nobody over 30 will admit it.
- Grandma’s recipes aren’t written down. They’re passed on by watching and guessing.
- Being thankful is easy. Being thankful while your cousin explains crypto at dinner takes practice.
- Family loves you even after you burn the rolls. They also remind you every year.
- The real Thanksgiving tradition is pretending the dog didn’t get any turkey.
Want something to read out loud at the table? Try these 60 Thanksgiving jokes for kids and adults, with turkey puns, riddles and dinner toasts.
Like these lines enough to wear them? Here are some funny Thanksgiving t-shirts for the big day.
More Thanksgiving Laughs
Still hungry for more? These pair well with the quotes above: