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Originally posted on January 2, 2018 @ 8:27 pm

28 Hilarious Relationship Quotes to Juice Your Love Life

I’d fight a bear for you. Not a grizzly
Or a brown bear. Or a panda.
But maybe like a Care Bear?
I’d fight one of those sonsab*tches for you.

Here’s a great rhyme to go with the hilarious relationship quote above… Relationships are tough, and so are bears. I’m sure there’s a tough Care Bear out there? 

Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you
get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

That’s why the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

I know I’m a handful,
but that’s why you got two hands.

Gotta hand it to ya… That’s a pretty clever relationship quote.

When you realize your 3 main hobbies include:
going to the gym, naps and food.

As the saying goes… “You know you’re in a relationship…”

I can’t believe it’s been a year,
since I didn’t become a better person.

How time flies.



My wife says I have only two faults:
1. I don’t listen.
2. Some other shit she was rattling on about.

What’s that funny saying about relationships again?

Target cashier: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”
Me: “First of all, I wasn’t looking for any of this.”

This witty relationship quote describes every shopping trip with your girlfriend / wife.


Sold my halo for liquor, heels and some lingerie

This girl is ready for relationship(s).


To my friends: Shine on you crazy,
perverted, alcoholic weirdos.
Y’all are my people.

A toast to celebrate great friends.

Putting a 2-year-old to bed who isn’t tired
is like putting your drunk friend to bed.
There’s singing to themselves.
Requesting water.
Incoherent babble.
Some weird yoga poses.
And then they pass out.

And that’s why you love them!


I’m pretty sure I had a good time last night…
Let me finish reading the police report and I’ll let you know.

They say alcohol is the grease that makes relationships go round…


A body like this doesn’t happen overnight.
It takes pregnancy, some neglect and extra slices of pizza.

There’s a funny saying about relationships making you fat… Yes it’s all true.

Ex: I still love you.
Me: I don’t blame you.

A great quote to use so your relationship that ended stays ended.

Relationships start with
“Can we talk?”
And end in
“We need to talk.”

This witty relationship saying sums it up nicely.

Dear heart,
please stop getting involved in everything.
Your job is to pump blood. That’s it.

One of many hilarious relationship quotes to repeat to yourself.

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas.
You can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.

That’s another clever relationship until electric cars become mainstream!

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that’s what you’re looking for,
go live with a car battery.

Speaking of relationships and electric cars…

A boy makes his girl jealous of other women.
A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl.

Cute saying about healthy relationships.

In a relationship one person is always right.
And the other person is male.

Another hilarious relationship quotes that puts men in their place.

If a girl argued with their boyfriend topless,
they would win every time.

Clever Life Hack.

Before you marry a person,
you should first make them use a computer with slow internet
to see who they really are.
Will Ferrell

Here’s one of the best hilarious relationship quotes to heed!

Women spend more time thinking about what men think,
than men actually spend thinking.

Is there a right amount of thinking? 

This could make for a funny caption for online dating site.

The subtle differences in English language.

Wise sayings for long lasting relationships.

Hilarious relationship quotes for the modern era?

Smartphones has turned everyone into a potential telepath!

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