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Originally posted on January 21, 2017 @ 8:48 am
If your morning coffee just doesn’t get the job done anymore you might want to have a look at Death Wish Coffee – it is the strongest coffee in the world.
Ever since I ordered it, Death Wish Coffee introduced me to a whole new realm of adulthood. I used to ante up the dosage of my puny Nestle Cappuccino and Irish Latte sachets to get the daily kick in the nutsicles that every man needs before going to the office.
My work life is demanding. As a full-time writer, I have to be in an active mental state to be able to churn out articles like a Gatling gun. Except for the weekends, of course – I just sleep throughout the day, reminiscing why I wasted so many years by not using Death Wish Coffee in the first place. Why… oh why!!!!
How I Came to Know About It?
I used to import or buy stuff from Amazon for my friends and frenemies. One day someone sent me a Death Wish Coffee link from the Amazon sales page, and I was intrigued to give it a shot. So, instead of placing one order, I ended up placing two orders. One I sent to my friend, and the second one was for me. I haven’t heard from him since then; maybe he’s in a “higher” mental state and is probably still doing awesome things all over the world.
As for me, the experience was exhilarating. From the outside packaging to the interior tetra pack weather resistant protective layering, Death Wish ensures that you get a fresh moisture free spoon of coffee every day. The bag itself is sufficient enough to keep the coffee fresh and running until the contents hit the bottom. You won’t be needing a whammy airtight coffee storage bottle or any of that Tupperware crap anymore.
What Does It Taste Like?
It tastes like freedom. It tastes like manhood. It tastes like chewing on raw tobacco in the wake of a dull morning. Wait, what? Raw tobacco? Are you serious? Yes, Death Wish Coffee is unyielding. It smells and tastes like something raw; like mixing a teaspoon of some weird powder in plain water.
But then again, you will grow fond of your new life. It takes a bit of manliness and getting used to, and it is not a secret that you might be privy to. That’s just how Death Wish Ground Coffee rolls. By the end of your first bag, you will become so dependent on your daily dose of Death Wish that you might go as far as to use an IV needle the next time. You just want the awesomeness to course through your veins 24/7.
Is it Safe?
Yep, the last time I checked, it said, “Fair Trade Certified”, “USDA Approved” and blah blah. I mean if you are into those kinds of things before using the product, you have your standard ratings to read on the coffee packaging.
Please Tell Me More about Death Wish Ground Coffee…
If this is your first time using Death Wish, you are probably not meant to go to such extremities or lofty heights that the coffee is capable of. Shamefully, you start off with two tea spoons in the beginning. Assess your tolerance levels, and increase the quantity as days go by. The skull and cross bones may intimidate you into using 3 – 4 tea spoons, or the entire bag all at the same time, but don’t go there for the sake of your own sanity!
After a few days, things will start to change. Besides the obvious positive mood swings, you may hear comments about your newly found ripped abs, your excellent physique, and your ability to get work done in just about a few minutes. Rumor has it that some men reportedly built their own house with their bare hands – all thanks to the elixir’s untapped power. Your boss will more than likely give you a raise straight away; you may end up living a double, triple or quadruple life, your wife will be jealous of all the females flocking around you – so on and so forth.
Are There Any Side Effects?
No, not that I know of, except for ONE side effect. The last few days when your supply is really low, you may throw tantrums at your co-workers, your family or people in public. They won’t know the reason; they may even call you an angry man, but who’s to say that you are upset and worried about waking up to an empty bag of Death Wish Ground Coffee? No one will know except you.
So, if you don’t want to risk it, order 3 – 4 bags at the same time or opt-in for paid subscription at Amazon to avoid such unforeseen incidents from occurring. I don’t have to tell you, but eventually, you will throw your sissy cream coffee brands in the bin.
Oh, and there’s a pretty little Skull and Cross Bone Official Death Wish Coffee Sticker in there too. You can stick it on your desk, your car’s windshield or anywhere to serve as a reminder that this is exactly how a coffee is supposed to be.