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34 Funny Quotes for Parenting

Funnyquote Parenteatyoung

That was their first warning, and they seemed to be scared straight.



Funnyquote Parenting20Minutes

But only 20 minutes late. I mean, that’s a victory.


Funnyquote Parentingaskagain

It doesn’t. No matter how many times you think it is does.


Funnyquote Parentingaveragetoddler

What are they eating?! How are they growing?


Funnyquote Parentingbarscene

Only you can’t go home, and you can’t kick out your little patrons either.


Funnyquote Parentingbathroom

I didn’t know that bathroom time would be such a public activity. 


Funnyquote Parentingbreakfast

She’s an achiever.


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Funnyquote Parentingdog

The dog loves me and I don’t even have to give him money.


Funnyquote Parentingdrink

Bless her for being strong, but seriously..


Funnyquote Parentingducksarms

I don’t know the answer to any of this, so maybe just crying in the corner will suffice.


Funnyquote Parentingfruitsnack

He apparently is invisible when they’re hungry.




Funnyquote Parentinggrocery

Ah, I took a whole hour to shop for essentials. It was magical.


Funnyquote Parentinghorrorstory

Ryan Murphy should make American Horror Story: Parenting and set it in an airport or Chuckee Cheese.



Funnyquote Parentinghypthetical

They looked picture-perfect, my house looked like every successful blogger, and I cooked fresh nutritious meals.


Funnyquote Parentinginterrupt

It wasn’t even important information either.


Funnyquote Parentingitskids

They’re just…a lot. 


Funnyquote Parentingjob

Get ready! There’s “manuals” but they don’t help.


Funnyquote Parentinglaundry

How many people are wearing this many pants?


Funnyquote Parentinglick

On the scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being disgusting, he’s about a 4 right now. It’s good.


Funnyquote Parentingmiddlefinger

I’ve never seen a better description.


Funnyquote Parentingmissing

They find me every time!


Funnyquote Parentingpants

I mean, I guess I could ruin my roommate or husband’s life too..


Funnyquote Parentingpatient

You can say “namaste” for it but after 5 minutes…


Funnyquote Parentingpocket

I’ve sunk so low.


Funnyquote Parentingrocks

Just get used to no one listening to you.


Funnyquote Parentingsame

Why do they have to be like me? Why was my mother right?


Funnyquote Parentingsideeffects

May cause hysteria, uncontrollable crying, loss of sleep…


Funnyquote Parentingstand

Something’s getting lost in translation.


Funnyquote Parentingstrongwilled

Can we just pick up the milk without a meltdown?



Funnyquote Parentingtellmykids

They hear “right now right now right now.”


Funnyquote Parentingthelook

You can even use this look on your spouse and others too.


Funnyquote Parentingwaffle

Ask for waffle again. 


Funnyquote Parentingwkeup

Yep, that plan worked.


Funnyquote Parentingyell

Just calm it down a bit, huh?



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