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26 Hilarious Funny Quotes You Won’t Stop Laughing At

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Diet Brag

I don’t mean to brag but…
i finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes.

Hilarious funny quotes meet food memes!

Hilarious Funny Adult Quotes  Sponge

The new sponge in the sink just brightened my day.
being an adult is stupid.

I hate this. I even want a new vacuum. Gross.

Hilarious Funny School Quotes  Calculator Everywhere

Remember when teachers used to say:
“you won’t have a calculator everywhere you go! ”
well, we showed them.

We have them everywhere!

Hilarious Funny Food Quotes  Carbs

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

We’re in a committed relationship.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Adulting

My career plans were much more exciting when i was 5.

I was going to be a princess unicorn tamer.

Hilarious Funny Food Quotes  Chocolate

Chocolate
is the answer.
who cares what the question is.

Mm. Chocolate.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Passwords

Just once, i want a username and password prompt to say,
close enough.

Or else I’ll have to change it once AGAIN.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Control Freak

I’m not really a control freak
but…
can i show you the right way to do that?

There’s just..one..thing..off…yeah, let me do it.

Hilarious Funny Driving Quotes  Tailgating

There’s no reason to tailgate me when i’m doing 50 in a 35.
and those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

Great example of hilarious funny quotes that can lead to these funny short story jokes about driving and roadtrips.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  People

Just because i’m smiling,
doesn’t mean i don’t want to hit you in the face.

Appearances deceive.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Arachnophobia

I thought there was a spider on the rug…
but it was just yarn.
it’s dead yarn now, though.

RIP yarn.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Weirdness

I admit that my level of weirdness is above the national average,
but i’m comfortable with that.

Now let’s all get comfortable with it.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Fitness

I need to get in shape.
if i were murdered right now,
my chalk outline would be a circle.

Like a doughnut. Mmm..

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Maturity

I don’t know how to act my age.
i’ve never been this age before.

Hilarious funny quotes meet adulting memes.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Overweight

Next time someone asks you how much you weight..
tell them one hundred and sexy.

Yeah!

Hilarious Funny Relatable Quotes  Sleep

I pretty much spend all day,
every day,
just looking forward to going back to sleep.

Or thinking when I can snack.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Food Packaging Jokes

I think it’s adorable how they’re putting jokes on the side of snacks now.
like listen to this one –
serving size: 3 cookies.

This one’s hilarious!

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Life

beer before liquor,
never been sicker.
toothpaste before orange juice,
dead.

Ugh, worst taste ever.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Reason

If we’re ever in a situation where i am the
“voice of reason”
then we are in a very very bad situation.

We should worry.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Life

I talk an awful lot of smack for someone
who tips over when putting on their underwear.

Hilarious funny quotes meet home yoga memes.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Cell Phone

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number
is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Don’t do it!

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Overweight

I’m not fat, but i’m not thin either.
i’m at that point where you can definitely tell i like chocolate cake.

Cake is good. Sue me.

Hilarious Funny Quotes  Sleep

I was gonna take over the world this morning but i overslept.
postponed.
again.

Darn alarm clock.

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