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Staring at a blank Christmas card? A funny line is easier to write than a heartfelt one, and it usually gets the bigger reaction. Here are 60 funny Christmas card messages we wrote for this page, sorted by who the card is for: short lines for any card, friends, family, coworkers, Secret Santa gift tags and sign-offs. Pick one, add a name, and finish with one warm sentence of your own so the joke lands as love.

Short Funny Christmas Card Messages

One line, any card, anyone on your list.

  1. Merry Christmas! We tried to take a family photo. Please enjoy this card instead.
  2. Wishing you a holiday season with more cookies than steps.
  3. May your Wi-Fi be strong and your relatives’ questions be few.
  4. Merry Christmas from our house, where the tree is up and the lights are still tangled.
  5. Have yourself a merry little Christmas and a long, uninterrupted nap.
  6. Sending warm wishes and zero fruitcake. You’re welcome.
  7. Hope Santa brings you everything on your list and finally loses mine.
  8. Eat, drink and be merry. Then nap. Then repeat.
  9. Wishing you a Christmas that goes better than our matching-pajamas photo shoot.
  10. Season’s greetings from the people who never took down last year’s lights.
  11. Merry Christmas! This card was supposed to arrive in early December.
  12. Have a holly, jolly and mostly calm Christmas.

Funny Christmas Card Messages for Friends

For the people who already know you’re not that sentimental.

  1. Merry Christmas to the friend who knows all my secrets and has never once used them against me. Yet.
  2. Thanks for another year of being the first person I text when something ridiculous happens.
  3. Merry Christmas! You made the nice list, mostly because you know too much.
  4. To my favorite partner in crime: may Santa never find the evidence.
  5. Friends like you are the reason I can’t keep a straight face at holiday parties.
  6. Merry Christmas! Here’s to another year as the loudest table at brunch.
  7. You’re the only gift I didn’t have to wrap. Merry Christmas!
  8. Cheers to another year of plans we’ll definitely cancel and texts we’ll definitely send at midnight.
  9. Merry Christmas to someone who makes the whole year feel like a holiday. Except March. March was rough.
  10. I got you a card. The real present is my friendship, and it’s non-refundable.

Funny Christmas Card Messages for Family

For parents, siblings, grandparents and the in-laws.

  1. Merry Christmas to the family that taught me everything, including how to argue about board game rules.
  2. Mom and Dad, thanks for pretending every handmade gift I ever gave you was your favorite. Merry Christmas!
  3. To my siblings: Merry Christmas. I’m still Mom’s favorite.
  4. Merry Christmas, Grandma! Your cookies are the real reason we visit. (We love you too.)
  5. Wishing my family a Christmas full of joy, good food and only the polite kind of debate.
  6. Merry Christmas to my in-laws. Thank you for raising someone who puts up with me.
  7. To the kids: Santa knows. Santa always knows. Merry Christmas!
  8. Merry Christmas to my wonderful spouse, who still lets me pick the Christmas movie. Sometimes.
  9. Christmas with family is the best, especially the part where we all fall asleep on the couch.
  10. Love you all more than the last slice of pie, and that’s saying something.

Funny Christmas Card Messages for Coworkers

Office-safe lines for the team card or the person in the next cubicle.

  1. Merry Christmas to the best team anyone could share a microwave with.
  2. Wishing you a holiday season with no emails, no meetings and no “quick questions.”
  3. Thanks for making this year less “per my last email” and more fun. Merry Christmas!
  4. May your inbox be empty and your out-of-office message be long.
  5. Merry Christmas to the coworker who always refills the coffee pot. You’re a hero.
  6. Happy holidays! Let’s circle back in January.
  7. Merry Christmas! Let’s take this offline. For about two weeks.
  8. Cheers to surviving another year of reply-all.
  9. Wishing you a relaxing break and a password you still remember when you get back.
  10. Thanks for being the reason Monday mornings are bearable. Merry Christmas!

Funny Secret Santa and Gift Tag Messages

Short enough for a tag, and anonymous enough for Secret Santa. Still need the gift itself? Here are some funny Secret Santa gifts under $25.

  1. From: Secret Santa. To: You. Returns: not accepted.
  2. I was told to stay under $25. I stayed under $25 in spirit.
  3. Your Secret Santa has been watching. Your desk snack habits inspired this gift.
  4. Do not open until Christmas. Seriously, I can see you shaking it.
  5. This gift was carefully chosen by someone who definitely did not panic-buy it yesterday.
  6. From Santa’s helper, who would like it known that Santa did not wrap this.
  7. Ho ho ho! Guess who? (Hint: it’s not who you think. Unless you thought it was me.)
  8. To my Secret Santa match: I hope you love it, and if not, it makes an excellent regift.
  9. This tag is the only part I wrapped well.
  10. Shake gently. Open happily. Thank anonymously.

Funny Christmas Card Sign-Offs

End the card with one of these instead of plain “Love.”

  1. Yours in cookies and chaos,
  2. Merry and bright (and slightly tired),
  3. With love and way too much tape,
  4. Jingle all the way, and then nap,
  5. Stay merry, stay warm, stay off the naughty list,
  6. Love, the people who still have your casserole dish,
  7. Wishing you peace, joy and a full fridge,
  8. From our tangled lights to your home,

More Christmas Fun

Need a gift to go with the card, or more laughs for the season?

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