60 Christmas Jokes for Kids and Adults, Plus Puns and Riddles

The best Christmas jokes are short enough to tell while someone is untangling the lights. These 60 are all new, written for this page: question-and-answer jokes for kids, snowman and tinsel puns, jokes for adults about shopping, assembly instructions and the office party, a few riddles for the kids’ table, and one-liners for Christmas dinner. All of them are clean enough to read out loud to the whole family.

Christmas Jokes for Kids

Question-and-answer jokes for little kids, and for the grown-ups who will hear them all December.

Why did the snowman bring a map to the party? He didn’t want to drift off.
What did the Christmas tree say to the star? “Thanks for always being on top of things.”
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling a little crummy.
Why did the elf join the band? He wanted to play in the jingle section.
What’s a snowman’s favorite drink? Iced cocoa, extra chill.
Why did Rudolph get a gold star at school? His teacher said he was very bright.
What did one ornament say to the other? “Hang in there.”
Why did the candy cane go to the eye doctor? Everything looked stripy.
Why did the cookie hide under the tree? It heard Santa was coming with an appetite.
Why don’t reindeer play hide-and-seek? Someone always spots the red nose.
What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle with a carrot.
What did the stocking say on Christmas morning? “I couldn’t fit another orange.”
Why did Santa start using GPS? Rudolph kept taking the scenic route.
Why did the snowflake win the race? It had a flurry of energy at the end.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim before the party.

Christmas Puns

One-liners for the relative who thinks a groan is the best kind of laugh.

I tried to make a snowman pun, but it melted under pressure.
Santa’s helpers are taking a self-care day. Well, an elf-care day.
Our tree has a lot of baggage. Mostly gift bags.
The snowman is very chill about deadlines.
The gingerbread house failed inspection. The foundation was crumbling.
The fruitcake has been regifted so many times it has frequent flyer miles.
The candle never stays late at parties. It always burns out by ten.
I’m on the naughty list for puns. Honestly, it’s the Claus of most of my problems.
Hot cocoa and I have a very marsh-mellow relationship.
The ornaments are inseparable. They’re always hanging out together.
Santa’s sleigh is very eco-friendly. It runs on carrots and cookies.
My snow globe has had a rough week. It’s been really shaken up.

Christmas Jokes for Adults

For anyone who has assembled a toy at midnight or survived the office party.

Christmas shopping is the only cardio I do that ends with me owing money.
I put up the Christmas lights in an hour. Then I spent three hours finding the one bulb that broke the whole string.
Every December I buy wrapping paper, and every December 26 I find last year’s wrapping paper.
The office Secret Santa is a game where twelve adults spend $25 each to learn that nobody really knows anyone.
My family’s Christmas tradition is promising to start shopping earlier next year.
“Some assembly required” is the scariest phrase you can read on Christmas Eve.
I asked Santa for peace and quiet. He brought the kids a karaoke machine.
The holiday party is where you learn which coworker loves karaoke and has no idea when to stop.
Our elf on the shelf has moved exactly twice this month, both times because I sat on it.
My budget and my Christmas list haven’t spoken since Black Friday.
Being an adult at Christmas means getting genuinely excited about good kitchen towels.
Nothing says holiday spirit like circling a mall parking lot for 40 minutes.
I don’t need a new sweater. I need this one to have a bigger waistband by the 26th.
The fruitcake in our house is older than the youngest grandchild.
Christmas cards are the yearly reminder that every other family can stand still for a photo.

Christmas Riddles

Read the riddle, give everyone a minute, then reveal the answer.

I have a trunk but no luggage and needles but no thread, and I only come inside in December. What am I? Answer: A Christmas tree.
I fill up overnight but only once a year, and I hang by the fireplace. What am I? Answer: A stocking.
Someone spends an hour making me look nice, and I get torn apart in seconds. What am I? Answer: Wrapping paper.
What has a red nose, flies at night and never needs a passport? Answer: Rudolph.
I’m cold and round, and I lose my head when the sun comes out. What am I? Answer: A snowman.
I’m sweet and striped, and I’m shaped like a question mark. What am I? Answer: A candy cane.
I’m a house nobody moves into, and you’re allowed to eat my walls. What am I? Answer: A gingerbread house.
I have lots of keys but can’t open a door, and I show up under the tree for the kid who wanted to play music. What am I? Answer: A keyboard.

Christmas Dinner Table One-Liners

Quick lines for when the food is out and everyone is finally sitting down.

Pass the potatoes before Uncle Rick starts the 1998 story again.
This ham has been glazed more times than my eyes during the gift exchange.
Christmas dinner is just Thanksgiving with better music.
Grandma says this is her last year hosting. She has said that every year since 2011.
The gravy is the only thing at this table that has never started an argument.
We eat Christmas dinner at 2 p.m. so we can be hungry again by 4.
If you can still see your plate, you’re doing Christmas wrong.
Somebody please move the cookies. I have no self-control and the kids are watching.
The best present this year is whoever volunteers to load the dishwasher.
Let’s go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. Wait, wrong holiday. Let’s eat.

More Christmas Laughs

Still in a joking mood? These pair well with the jokes above: