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21 Funny Quotes and Sayings About Life

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Sarcasm

Holding all this sarcasm physically hurts.

A sacrifice has been made.

Funny Quotes About Life  Sarcasm

My sarcasm and sincerity sound surprisingly similar.

Which is which?

Funny Sayings About Life  Earth

There is not one mf walking this earth
that is worth you laying awake at night
feeling like you’re not good enough.
remember that sh*t.

Don’t let them get you down.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Antisocial

I’m not anti-social.
i have cable, internet, and a dog.
what else do i need?

What else?

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Some Day

Some days i have my sh*t together…
some days i spit toothpaste in my own hair.

Balance.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Sweary Moms

Sweary moms are my people.
i just can’t trust anyone who can’t drop a well placed f bomb!

Go moms!

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Netflix

Netflix is so insecure sometimes.
yep, i’m still here.
you can stop asking.

And I will always be.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Lottery

Might wake up early and go for a run.
might also win the lottery,
the odds are about the same.

Yep.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Inner Child

I’m not so sure about an inner child,
but i have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

It’s there.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Bank

My bank called because they noticed “highly suspicious activity”
on my charge account.
it was for a gym membership.

Hahah. It was suspicious.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Figure Me Out

If you figure me out, i want an explanation.

A PowerPoint maybe.

Funny Quote And Saying About Life  Expensive Taste

I have very expensive taste for someone with $3. 85 in their bank account.

Deluxo.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Late

Have you ever been so late you just decide to take your time instead?

It happens.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Last Words

I feel like however i die,
my last words are going to be
“but i’m still hungry. ”

Hungry!

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Birthstone

My birthstone is a coffee bean.

Best birthstone.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Ambitchous

Ambitchous
(adj. ) striving to be more of a b*tch than the average b*tch.

New words!

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Brushing Teeth At Night

I hate brushing my teeth at night
because that signifies that you can’t
have anymore food and i’m just never ready
for that kind of commitment.

Like, what if I want a snack?

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Hollister

Welcome to hollister california
would you like a gasmask and a flashlight?

Try not to breathe it in too much.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Exaggerating

I spend 500% of my life exaggerating.

Sounds accurate.

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Simon Says

Shortest game of simon says:
“simon says jump! Simon didn’t say land,
you’re all out. ”

That’s pretty good!

Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life  Bruise

You discover a bruise…
the first thing you do is think,
“how did i get this? ”
the second thing you do?
poke it.

Why?!

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