21 Funny Quotes and Sayings About Life
Holding all this sarcasm physically hurts.
A sacrifice has been made.
My sarcasm and sincerity sound surprisingly similar.
Which is which?
There is not one MF walking this earth
that is worth you laying awake at night
feeling like you’re not good enough.
Remember that sh*t.
Don’t let them get you down.
What else?
Some days I have my sh*t together…
Some days I spit toothpaste in my own hair.
Balance.
Sweary moms are my people.
I just can’t trust anyone who can’t drop a well placed f bomb!
Go moms!
Netflix is so insecure sometimes.
Yep, I’m still here.
You can stop asking.
And I will always be.
Might wake up early and go for a run.
Might also win the lottery,
the odds are about the same.
Yep.
I’m not so sure about an inner child,
but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.
It’s there.
My bank called because they noticed “highly suspicious activity”
on my charge account.
It was for a gym membership.
Hahah. It was suspicious.
If you figure me out, I want an explanation.
A PowerPoint maybe.
I have very expensive taste for someone with $3.85 in their bank account.
Have you ever been so late you just decide to take your time instead?
It happens.
I feel like however I die,
my last words are going to be
“But I’m still hungry.”
Hungry!
My birthstone is a coffee bean.
Best birthstone.
Ambitchous
(adj.) striving to be more of a b*tch than the average b*tch.
New words!
I hate brushing my teeth at night
because that signifies that you can’t
have anymore food and I’m just never ready
for that kind of commitment.
Like, what if I want a snack?
Welcome to HOLLISTER CALIFORNIA
would you like a gasmask and a flashlight?
Try not to breathe it in too much.
I spend 500% of my life exaggerating.
Sounds accurate.
Shortest game of Simon Says:
“Simon says jump! Simon didn’t say land,
you’re all out.”
That’s pretty good!
You discover a bruise…
The first thing you do is think,
“How did I get this?”
The second thing you do?
Poke it.
Why?!
For quick laughs, here are some short funny quotes.