Looking for a funny short story you can actually read, not squint at? Here are 15 of our all-time favorites, written out in full, each with a twist ending and a one-line moral, plus a note on who it suits (some are clean enough for Grandma, a few are strictly for the grown-ups). Pick one, practice the pause before the punchline, and go make someone snort coffee.
Updated October 2026
The 15 stories
- The Missing Silver Plate
- The Thanksgiving Divorce
- Alice Writes Home From the Marines
- The Lie-Detecting Robot
- Goodbye, Grandpa
- Little Johnny Is Too Smart for First Grade
- Five Old Ladies on Route 22
- The Old Lady’s Bet With the Bank President
- Bury Me With All My Money
- The Blind Passenger, Her Guide Dog and the Pilot
- The Lawyer’s Riddle Game
- The Traffic Stop Confession
- The Cat and the Terrified Cab Driver
- The Pregnant Lady and the Bus Signs
- The Two Irishmen at Murphy’s Pub
1. The Missing Silver Plate
Best for: telling your girlfriend, boyfriend or partner. Mild innuendo, fine for teens and up.
A mom went to have dinner with her son, who shared his apartment with a female roommate. During the meal, she couldn’t help noticing how pretty the roommate was. She had long suspected there was more going on between the two of them, and watching them together all evening only made her more curious.
Reading his mother’s mind, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”
About a week later, the roommate came to him and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I haven’t been able to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”
“Well, I doubt it,” he said, “but I’ll email her just to be sure.” He sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom,
I’m not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I’m not saying that you didn’t take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your son
Several days later, he received an email from his mother:
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you don’t sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love,
Mom
Save this one for Pinterest: the missing silver plate.
The moral: Never try to out-clever your mother. She has been doing this longer than you.
2. The Thanksgiving Divorce
Best for: everyone. Clean, short and perfect around the Thanksgiving table, especially for empty nesters and grandparents.
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” And he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.”
She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?” And she hangs up.
The old man puts down the phone, turns to his wife and says, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?”
The Thanksgiving divorce, as a shareable image.
The twist: The divorce was never real. It was the only way to get the kids home for the holidays.
3. Alice Writes Home From the Marines
Best for: military families, Veterans Day, and anyone who grew up on a farm. Clean, all ages.
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 5 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split or fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it is not too bad, there’s warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon and such, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A route march is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting and I don’t know why. The bullseye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ol’ bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this, except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before the other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
Alice’s letter home, as a shareable image.
The twist: The farm kid who just out-wrestled the whole platoon is Alice, their daughter.
4. The Lie-Detecting Robot
Best for: adults only. Short, and the punchline mentions porn, so keep it away from the kids’ table.
One day, a man decided it would be amusing to buy a lie-detecting robot that slaps people when they lie. When he brought it home, he tried it out at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay, I was at my friend’s house watching a DVD.
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda.
The robot slaps the son again.
Son: Okay! It was porn.
Dad: What?! When I was your age, I didn’t even know what porn was.
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Ha ha ha! Well, he is your son, after all!
The robot slaps the mom.
The lie-detecting robot (adults only).
The twist: Nobody at that table gets through dinner unslapped, Mom included.
5. Goodbye, Grandpa
Best for: adults who like dark humor. It involves deaths and an implied affair, so it is not a bedtime story for kids.
One evening, a father put his three-year-old daughter to bed. As he did every night, he told her a story and listened to her say her prayers. That night she ended with, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and goodbye, Grandpa.”
“Why did you say goodbye to Grandpa?” the father asked.
“I don’t know, Daddy. It just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day, Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later, he put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers again. This time she ended with, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and goodbye, Grandma.” The next day, Grandma died.
“My gosh,” the father thought, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”
Several weeks later, he heard her pray, “God bless Mommy, and goodbye, Daddy.”
He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to the office. He was as nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could make it to midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, checking his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he walked in, his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “I’ve just had the worst day of my life.”
“You think you had a bad day?” she said. “You’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning, the mailman dropped dead on our porch!”
Goodbye, Grandpa, as a shareable image.
The twist: Dad was safe all along. The girl’s “daddy” was the mailman.
6. Little Johnny Is Too Smart for First Grade
Best for: teens and adults, and a fun “who has the dirty mind?” test at parties. Every answer Johnny gives is clean; your listeners’ guesses may not be.
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students, Johnny. One day she asked him what the problem was. “I’m too smart for first grade,” he said. “My sister is in third grade, and I’m smarter than her too.”
The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation. The principal said he would give Johnny a test, and if he missed a single question, he would go back to first grade and be quiet. The teacher and Johnny both agreed that was fair.
Principal: What is 3 times 3?
Johnny: 9.
Principal: What is 6 times 6?
Johnny: 36.
And so it went. The principal asked every question he thought a third grader should know. After about an hour, he told the teacher, “I see no reason why Johnny can’t go to third grade. He answered all of my questions correctly.”
The teacher asked if she could ask a few questions of her own. Since she knew Johnny better, the principal and Johnny agreed.
Teacher: What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Johnny: Legs.
Teacher: What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?
The principal gasps, but before he can stop him, Johnny answers: “Pockets.”
Teacher: What does a dog do that a man steps into?
Johnny: Pants.
Teacher: What starts with F, ends with K and means a lot of excitement?
Johnny: Firetruck!
The principal breathes a big sigh of relief and says, “Put Johnny in fifth grade. I got the last four questions wrong myself!”
Little Johnny’s test, as a shareable image.
The moral: The dirty mind in the room is rarely the kid’s.
7. Five Old Ladies on Route 22
Best for: everyone. Clean, quick and a favorite to tell grandparents or on a family road trip.
Sitting by the side of the highway waiting for speeders, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder,” he thinks, so he turns on his lights and pulls the car over.
Walking up, he sees five old ladies, two in front and three in back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, clearly confused, says, “Officer, I don’t understand. I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No, sir. I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!” she says proudly.
Trying not to chuckle, the trooper explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks him for pointing out her mistake.
“But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask: is everyone in this car okay? These ladies seem awfully shaken, and they haven’t made a peep this whole time.”
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, Officer,” she says. “We just got off Route 119.”
Five old ladies on Route 22, as a shareable image.
The twist: If 22 felt like that, imagine what 119 did to the back seat.
8. The Old Lady’s Bet With the Bank President
Best for: adults only. It’s a long, slow build with a crude (but not graphic) punchline, great for a retirement party crowd with a sense of humor.
A little old lady walked into the headquarters of the Bank of America carrying a large bag of money. She insisted on speaking with the president of the bank to open a savings account, because it was a lot of money.
“You can’t just walk in here and expect to see the president,” the receptionist objected. “He’s a very busy man.”
“But I am here to make a very large cash deposit,” the old woman said.
The receptionist glanced at the sack of money, then disappeared into one of the back offices. When she returned, she said, “You’re in luck this morning. He will see you,” and showed her in.
Behind a great oak desk sat a nicely tailored man. He stood and asked, “How can I help you?”
“I would like to open a savings account,” she said, and set the bag on his desk.
“How much would you like to deposit?”
“$180,000, if you please,” said the old lady, and dumped the cash out onto his desk.
The president was surprised. “Ma’am, I’m surprised you’re carrying so much cash around. Where did you come by this kind of money?”
“I make bets,” she said coyly.
“Bets? What kind of bets?”
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”
“What?!” cried the man, barely holding back a laugh. “You want to bet me $25,000 that my testicles are square?”
“Yes. In fact, I’ll bet you $25,000 that by ten o’clock tomorrow morning, your balls will be square.”
The man smiled broadly, thinking he had a live one. “You’ve got yourself a bet!” he said, and shook her hand.
“Okay,” she said, “but since there’s a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 as a witness?”
“Sure!” replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet. He spent a long time in front of the mirror, turning from side to side, again and again, until he was absolutely sure there was no way his balls were square and that he would win.
At precisely 10:00 the next morning, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer, introduced him and repeated the bet: “$25,000 says the president’s balls are square!”
The president agreed again, and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. He complied. She peered closely and then asked if she could feel them.
“Well, okay,” said the president, obviously embarrassed, thinking, “$25,000 is a lot of money. I guess she should be absolutely sure.”
As she began checking, he noticed the lawyer quietly banging his head against the wall. “What on earth is the matter with your lawyer?” he asked.
“Nothing,” the old lady replied. “Except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 this morning, I’d have the balls of the president of the Bank of America in my hands.”
The old lady’s bet (adults only).
The twist: She lost the small bet on purpose to win a much bigger one. Never bet against a little old lady with a bag of cash.
9. Bury Me With All My Money
Best for: seniors, and lightening the mood at a wake or celebration of life (read the room first). Clean.
There was a man who had worked all his life and saved every penny. He was a real miser and loved his money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, because I want to take it to the afterlife.”
His wife, a loving Christian woman, promised she would.
When the day came, he was laid out in the casket, and his wife sat beside it in black next to her best friend. When the ceremony ended, just before the undertakers closed the lid, the wife said, “Wait a minute!” She walked up with a shoebox, placed it in the casket and stepped back. The undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away.
“I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man,” her friend said.
“Yes, I promised,” said the wife. “I’m a good Christian. I can’t lie. I promised him I’d put all his money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket?”
“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my bank account, and wrote him a check.”
Bury me with all my money, as a shareable image.
The moral: Honesty is the best policy, especially when you read the fine print.
10. The Blind Passenger, Her Guide Dog and the Pilot
Best for: everyone. A clean icebreaker for the person sitting next to you on a plane.
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco when the plane was unexpectedly diverted to Sacramento. The flight attendant explained there would be a delay, and passengers who wanted to get off could do so; reboarding would begin in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one woman who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by. He could tell she was blind because her guide dog had lain quietly at her feet the whole flight, and he could tell she had flown this route before because the pilot came over and called her by name.
“Kathy, we’re in Sacramento for almost an hour,” the pilot said. “Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”
“No thanks,” she said, “but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his.”
Everyone in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog. Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses.
People scattered. They didn’t just try to change planes. They tried to change airlines.
The pilot and the guide dog, as a shareable image.
The moral: No good deed goes unpunished, especially one done in sunglasses.
11. The Lawyer’s Riddle Game
Best for: everyone, including kids 10 and up. A clean story about out-thinking a know-it-all.
A woman and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a flight from LA to New York. The lawyer asked if she would like to play a fun game. She was tired and just wanted a nap, so she politely declined and turned toward the window.
The lawyer persisted. “It’s easy,” he explained. “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa.”
She declined again. Now agitated, the lawyer said, “Okay. If you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you five hundred dollars.”
That got her attention, and figuring there would be no peace until she played, she agreed. The lawyer went first. “What’s the distance from the Earth to the moon?”
Without a word, she reached into her purse, pulled out a five-dollar bill and handed it to him.
“Okay,” said the lawyer. “Your turn.”
“What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
Puzzled, the lawyer opened his laptop and searched all his references. No answer. He got on the in-flight Wi-Fi and searched the internet, then the Library of Congress. Still nothing. Frustrated, he emailed all his friends and coworkers, but to no avail.
After an hour, he woke the woman and handed her five hundred dollars. She said, “Thank you,” and turned back to sleep.
The lawyer, more than a little miffed, woke her again. “Well? What’s the answer?”
Without a word, she reached into her purse, handed him five dollars and went back to sleep.
The lawyer’s riddle game, as a shareable image.
The moral: The best answer is sometimes “I don’t know,” as long as it pays $495.
12. The Traffic Stop Confession
Best for: teens and adults (one mild swear word in the punchline). A great road-trip story.
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license, please?
Woman: I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see. Can I see your vehicle registration, please?
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes. And I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk, if you want to see.
The officer stares at her, slowly backs away to his car and calls for backup. Within five minutes, several cruisers surround the car. A senior officer approaches slowly, hand on his half-drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle, please?
The woman steps out.
Woman: Is there a problem, sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me you stole this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes. Could you open the trunk, please?
She opens the trunk. It’s empty.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes. Here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims you don’t have a driver’s license.
She digs into her handbag, pulls out her wallet and hands it over. The senior officer examines the license, looking quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you, ma’am. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!
The traffic stop confession, as a shareable image.
The twist: Every wild confession was invented on the spot so the speeding ticket would sound like a lie, too.
13. The Cat and the Terrified Cab Driver
Best for: adults only. Crude language, and the whole joke is how violent it sounds out of context (no one, cat included, is actually hurt).
My husband and I were dressed and ready for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. Having had a break-in before, we turned on a night light and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
When the cab arrived, we walked out the front door, and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs, ran back inside and up the stairs. Because she likes to chase our budgie, we didn’t want to leave them alone together, so my husband ran back in to get her out.
I didn’t want the cab driver to know the house would be empty all evening, so I told him my husband would be out in a moment; he was just saying goodnight to my mother.
A few minutes later, my husband climbed into the cab, visibly flustered. As we pulled away, he said, to my growing horror and amusement:
“Sorry it took so long, but the stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her a** with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I wrapped her in a blanket so she couldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat a** down the stairs and threw her into the backyard. She’d better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!”
The silence in the cab was deafening.
The cat and the cab driver (adults only).
The twist: The cab driver thinks “her” is the mother-in-law. It’s the cat.
14. The Pregnant Lady and the Bus Signs
Best for: adults. The innuendo is in the ad slogans, and it lands best read out loud.
A woman about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the young man across from her was smiling at her, so she immediately moved to another seat. This time his smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. Now he seemed even more amused. When she moved a fourth time, he burst out laughing.
She complained to the driver, and the driver had the man arrested.
When the case came up in court a few days later, the judge asked the man, who was about 20, “What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Well, Your Honor, it was like this,” he said. “When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, The Doublemint Twins Are Coming, and I grinned.
“Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, Logan’s Liniment Will Reduce the Swelling, and I had to smile.
“Then she sat under a deodorant sign that said, William’s Big Stick Did the Trick, and I could hardly contain myself.
“But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident, I just lost it.”
Case dismissed.
The pregnant lady and the bus signs, as a shareable image.
The twist: He wasn’t laughing at her. He was laughing at the worst-placed ads in transit history.
15. The Two Irishmen at Murphy’s Pub
Best for: everyone. A clean pub joke, perfect for St. Patrick’s Day.
Two blokes were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After a while, one looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”
“Yes, that I am!” the other answers proudly.
“So am I! And whereabouts in Ireland might you be from?”
“I’m from Dublin, I am.”
“So am I! Mother Mary and begorra. And what street did you live on in Dublin?”
“A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street, in the old central part of town.”
“Faith, and it’s a small world. So did I! And what school would you have gone to?”
“Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.”
The first one gets really excited. “And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
“Well now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.”
“The good Lord must be smiling down on us!” the first one exclaims. “I can hardly believe our luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it? I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!”
About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink. Brian the barman walks over, shaking his head, and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
“Why do you say that, Brian?” Vicky asks.
“The Murphy twins are drunk again.”
The two Irishmen at Murphy’s Pub, as a shareable image.
The twist: Of course they have everything in common. They’re twins, and they’re too drunk to notice.
More funny stories
- 7 funny short stories for seniors: gentle, clean laughs to share with grandparents.
- 15 funny stories to tell your boyfriend: date-night material, some cheeky.
- 10 funny poems about getting old: perfect for birthday cards and retirement toasts.
- Our full funny short stories collection
Funny short stories FAQ
What is a good funny short story to tell?
Pick one that is short, clean and has a single punchline at the very end. “The Thanksgiving Divorce” (#2) and “Five Old Ladies on Route 22” (#7) work for almost any crowd, take under a minute to tell, and don’t need any setup.
What are some funny short stories with a moral?
“Bury Me With All My Money” (#9) is about keeping a promise to the letter, “The Lawyer’s Riddle Game” (#11) is about not underestimating the quiet person next to you, and “The Missing Silver Plate” (#1) proves you can’t out-clever your mom. Each story above ends with its one-line moral or twist.
Which of these stories are for adults only?
Stories #4 (the robot), #8 (the bank bet), #13 (the cab driver) and #14 (the bus signs) are adults-only. #5 has dark themes and #12 has one mild swear word, so we’d save those for teens and up.
Which funny short stories are clean enough for kids?
Alice’s letter from the Marines (#3), Route 22 (#7), the guide dog and the pilot (#10), the lawyer’s riddle (#11) and the Murphy twins (#15) are all clean. Kids 10 and up especially like #10 and #11.
How do you tell a funny story so it actually lands?
Know the last line by heart, keep the middle short, and pause for a beat right before the punchline. Then stop talking. Explaining the joke is the fastest way to kill it.
A gift for the family storyteller
Know someone who always has “one more story” at Thanksgiving? A good joke collection makes an easy stocking stuffer or white elephant gift that actually gets used. Reader’s Digest’s long-running “Laughter, the Best Medicine” column is collected in this book of jokes, true stories and cartoons, and it’s mostly clean enough to pass around the whole table.
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Shopping for more laughs? See our funny white elephant gifts people actually steal.