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34 Funny Quotes You Just Have to Read
Pink Card In Bold Letters: I Have AbsOlutely No SelfControl When It Comes To Dessert

Nope, none. If I see it, I’m doomed.

 

 

Black Card In White Serif: It's Not A Tiara, I Simply Bedazzled My Horns

I can see the difference would be astounding.

 

 

Holiday Gift Guides

Funny gifts people will actually fight over in a white elephant swap

Black Poster: I Eat Salad Every Day. Bean Salad. Coffee Bean Salad. I Drink Coffee Every Day

Yummy bean salad with coffee…or coffee itself.

 

 

Plain Text On White: Throw Sass Around Like Confetti

Make it like a party.

 

 

Pale Pink Card: No Matter How Much I Eat, There Is Always Room For Dessert, Dessert Goes To The Heart

Dessert, like FRIENDS’ theme song, is always there for you.

 

 

Cartoon Panda Lying Flat On Its Belly: I Wish Everything Was As Easy As Getting Fat

It’s just too easy.

 

 

Black Poster In White Letters: Exist On Your Own Terms

Nobody else’s.

 

 

Dark Gradient Card: Fake People Are Like Pennies, TwoFaced And Worthless

Don’t keep them around. Except you can turn the pennies into a nickel or dime.

 

 

Pink Card: Nutritionist Says Eat 1200 Calories A Day, Me, Ok, And How Many At Night?

Is that like a minimum? 

 

 

Plain Text: You'll Understand When You're Older, I Am Older And I Understand Absolutely Nothing

They all lied to us.

 

 

Framed Grey Quote: Karma Has No Menu. You Get Served What You Deserve

Sit tight, she’ll be with you.

 

 

Plain Text: I'm Not Like Other Girls, I Know What I Want For Dinner, I've Been Thinking About It Since Lunch

You can’t call me indecisive.

 

 

Dark Poster With A Rude Joke About Arriving In The Underworld And Asking For The Wifi Password

Though let’s be honest, it’s probably HELL.

 

 

Grey Card: Friend, Best Friend, Boyfriend, Girlfriend All End, Only Food Has No End

Stick with food, friend.

 

 

Black Poster: So When Is This Old Enough To Know Better Supposed To Kick In?

The ultimate question!

 

 

Serif Quote: I Can't Turn Water Into Wine, But I Can Turn Pizza Into Breakfast

Viola, magic.

 

 

Pizza Background: Roses Are Red, Pizza Sauce Is Too, I Ordered A Large, And None Of It's For You

Best poem ever.

 

 

Black Card: It's Probably My Age That Tricks People Into Thinking I'm An Adult

They’re being deceived.

 

 

Lilac Watercolor Card: Don't Cry Because It's Over, Smile Because It's Finally Over

You know it!

 

 

Grey Card: Smiling At People Who Hate You Is The Best Thing Ever

Confuse them.

 

 

Grey Bold Letters With A SwearWord Joke About Stress Being Caused By Caring Too Much

Do you? Don’t.

 

 

Black Poster With A Dark Joke About Taking Super Hot Showers For Practice

I gotta get that temp just right.

 

 

Voodoo Doll: Whoever Has The Voodoo Doll Of Me, Please Scratch My Itch, I Am In Public And Can't Do It Myself

That has to be what’s going on around here.

 

 

Black Card In White Text: There's Always A Wild Side To An Innocent Face

So wild, so hidden.

 

 

Black Card With A Wine Glass: Wine, Noun, A Hug In A Glass

Yummy sweet hug.

 

 

Light Blue Card: Work Tip, Stand Up, Stretch, Take A Walk, Go To The Airport, Get On A Plane, Never Return

#Lifehack

 

 

Plain Text: My Life Is Like Holding Laundry When A Sock Falls, Two More Fall, And Everything Ends Up On The Floor

Like it’s just a disaster.

 

 

Chalkboard With A Ghost: Friday The 13Th Is Still Better Than Monday The Whatever

Monday is the scariest word in the language of the world.

 

 

Blue Poster: You Never Know How Evil You Truly Are Until Someone Picks On One Of Your Kids

Then that mama bear comes out. 

 

 

Navy Card: If Mondays Were Shoes They'd Be Crocs

Terrible shoes, terrible day.

 

 

Plain Text Post: Me At 8:24 On A Monday Already Declaring It A Rough Week

Me all week.

 

 

Grey Card: What Do You Call A Person Who Is Happy On Monday? Retired

Or a child who is off from school for the week. Lucky.

 

 

Coral Card: I Hope To Be As Savage As My Toddler Who Looked Me In The Eyes And Said UhOh Before Snapping A Toy In Half

Savage as hell.

 

 

Dark Card: It's Thursday, Or As I Like To Call It, Day 4 Of The Hostage Situation

Soon it will be Friday and then it will end and we don’t talk about what comes after that.

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